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For those who are caught in the in between and messy middle

This is a love note, poem, short story or novella on peeling back the layers of the world and beginning again. Those who are straddling two worlds and stuck in between. Those who are breaking cycles. Those who are letting go. Those who are shattering the way things are supposed to be done and doing it in their own way. Those who are getting vulnerable. This is for every person who’s doubted themselves, who said yes when they wanted to say no, who has shrunk themselves into the box of someone else’s expectations. This is for the dreamers, the creatives, the artists, the entrepeneurs, the ones who want to do it on their own terms.

You know who you are.

I see you, I believe in you and there is hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. There is a way out when you break the chains of the chatter of your mind. I’ve spent the last 9 months tuning out the noise and tuning into my being, my knowing and my truth. Nine months of truly leaning into my power. I know the pains. I know the heartache. I know the struggle. I know it’s easier to sucomb then become but I promise you there is light. I promise the air is crisper. The light is lighter. The being is purer when you come out on the other side. It gets easier, lighter, and more fulfilling.

 

A moment of gratitude

I wouldn’t be here writing this without the beautiful, loving guidance of the one and only Helen. Thank you for seeing me and my depths. Thank you for listening, learning, and getting it. Thank you for redirecting me over and over again back to me. For helping me turn the quiet up and turn the noise down. Thank you for holding space for my highs and my lows. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for your invitations and recognition. Thank you for being you. Just thank you from the depths of my being. I am eternally grateful for every redirect, every gentle reminder, every drop in, and every moment. Thank you.

Listen here or continue reading below…

Begin Again…

It was just another Tuesday when my voice disappeared.

The timing wasn’t lost on me

Straddling the abyss of the old and new of my becoming

Afraid to let go

Afraid to become

Caught between two worlds of being

 

I’ve spent the last 9 months unlearning

Unlearning the shoulds

Unlearning the ought tos

Unlearning the doing

Unlearning the voices in my head

Unlearning the layers I’ve been carrying

 

I’ve spent the last 9 months

Tuning into my knowing

Tuning into my truths

Tuning into my being

Tuning into my energy

 

Blocking out the should’s and the ought tos of the world.

Clearing out the clutter

The incessant noise that had permeated my head.

 

The timing wasn’t lost on me…

The moment was here  to make a choice…

My feet spanning two entirely different worlds

My voice abandoned me

As I surrendered to the abyss

 

Hold on to what was

Repeat, repeat, repeat

 

Get lost in the inbetween

Doubt, doubt, doubt.

 

Lean into what will be

Trust, trust, trust – that which you cannot see.

 

The timing wasn’t lost on me…

 

Let go, let go, let go and begin again

 

Let go of what was

Let go of the patterns

Let go of the wrong turns

Let go of the hurt, the resentment, the bitterness

Let go of the grin and grit and bare it

Let go of the projections and rejections

Let go of the expectations and judgements

Let go the pushing and the grinding

Let go of the battling

Let go of the struggle

Let go of the pain

 

The moment was here to let go

 

Let go, let go, let go and begin again

 

To let go of the old

Find gratitude in the lessons

And move forward

 

Time to shed the weight of the hard shell I had been wearing

The weight on my back

The lobster who’d grown too much.

The shell that’s too small

The shell that’s forced me to shrink

The shell that’s forced me to fit in

A shell that was never mine.

An armor that kept me safe but didn’t let me thrive

Confining, Cramped and excruciating to live in.

 

It’s time to shed the shell of what was or what could have been

It’s time to shed the good intentions of a life that was never mine

It’s time to shed the expectations, the beliefs, the what I almost was.

 

The moment was here to let go

 

Let go, let go, let go and begin again

 

To sit in the discomfort

To sit in the vulnerable

To step forward

To embrace

 

The moment was here to lean into the lessons.

The lessons that should have calloused me

But instead gave me understanding

Brought me innocence,

Brought me compassion

Brought me depth…I didn’t know was in me.

A softening…

 

The moment was here to let go

 

Close my eyes and trust…myself

 

Let go, let go, let go and begin again

 

Begin to lean into

The easing

The breathing

The flow

The potency of my being

 

Embrace my desires

Embrace my yearning

Embrace my boundaries

Embrace my being, my becoming, my wholeness

Embrace me

 

Embrace this power that has been in me

Longing to be seen

Longing to create

Longing to be

Longing for freedom

 

Freedom from the shell that’s kept me small

Freedom from falling into the abyss

Freedom from holding on

Freedom from all that was

Freedom to believe in what can be

 

And in this leaning

And in this believing

And in this

 

She found her voice again

She found her soul

Her being

Her belonging

It was in her all along

When she tuned out the chatter of the world

Just waiting to be discovered

She simply had to close her eyes…believe

Her voice was there all along

Within….

She woke up, let go and began again….